iPad: naming faux pas or mass conspiracy?

Does the Apple iPad marketing team possess at least one member belonging to the female of the species? Or is it an insidiously subversive ploy on part of Steve Jobs and his moste evile masterminds over at ye Apple Central on Mt. Doom to subjugate womenkind and hypnotize them into being perma-customers of Apple?

Perhaps, there is a far bigger stake in the technology game than we've been let on. The iPad has been heralded as the marker of the Second Coming, a kaleidoscopic receptacle of wonders for the media savvy anointed ones, but considering Steve Jobs and his velutinously infallible marketing squad, how can one explain a name which sounds crapulent at best and at worst, resembles a laughably dim-witted ad campaign for feminine hygiene products? Considering the rapacious cunning with which the CEO of Apple steers his company's helm, could such an obvious faux pas escape his all-seeing self?

On the outset, it seems clear cut. Sexism is still a major issue in the workplace and mayhaps the company would have benefited in more ways than one if there were women populating its upper echelons. Or there is a far bigger, more dangerous issue at stake here- that the iPad is not what it seems. Yes, this reeks of subterfuge.

What if the iPad actually happens to be a bug/homing device meant to digitize a woman's menstruation cycle, to be stored on an obscure FTP server, silently filing away her body's internal processes during That Time of the Month? Women everywhere would suddenly find themselves be able to perform the (frankly) unrealistic and chimerical acrobatic feats and cheerfully pointless flailing of limbs telegraphed to them in many a menstrual product commercial. Having lured the necessary targets into a false sense of euphoria, Steve Jobs can now use the incriminating, highly sensitive information quietly filed away on the aforementioned FTP servers (month after month) to manipulate the poor hapless women as he so wills. Thusly, a whole new set of 'consumers' have been added to the repository of Applesuperfanboysandgirls through the iPad.

There will also be those women, who will attempt to fight Steve Jobs villainy, tooth and nail, but they might as well be brandishing miniature teaspoons to drain the ocean. For, the second generation versions of the iPad with a real keyboard and a foldover cover dubbed the iFold, would ensure that women who dare to transgress would iFoldover in pain every time they try to peruse their iPads, as a particularly grisly warning.

Of course, all this would only be the abject worst case doomsday type scenario, and realistically, Apple probably would not have a) Bothered to consult a female of the species (who needs the opinion of teh wittle wimmins when you have macho tech manly men positively crackling with manliness) and/or b) There simply weren't any women present in Apple's iPad marketing squad; an incredibly problematic situation if that was indeed the case.

But, you can never be too careful. Watch your iPads ladies, in case it starts behaving strangely and by extension, YOU start behaving outlandishly. Forewarned is forearmed after all.